Los Angeles Hotels

Well, of course it’s superficial. Modern Los Angeles has been built around the fantasy and make-believe that is the movies. It’s the definition of superficiality, so when visiting it, stop trying to sound all cultivated and whatnot, hire a convertible, drive down Rodeo Drive, suppress your natural instinct to laugh at the posers on Muscle Beach and embrace your inner, like, airhead.

And besides, with its Mediterranean climate and 310 days of sunshine per year, it’s no wonder Los Angelenos like to tell New Yorkers they can stick that in their pipes and smoke it – though that’s probably more of a West Coast thing to do anyway.

Besides, to say Los Angeles lacks creativity is waaay off the mark. From the eclectic boardwalk of Venice Beach, to the local fashion boutiques of Melrose Avenue, to the vast collections of the J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles is fast gaining a reputation for being a city of vision and virtuoso.

Add to this the beautiful people-crowding the beaches of Santa Monica and Malibu, and the best range of fast food in the United States, and it’s easy to see why those who think their relationship with Los Angeles is over keep crawling right back.

LOS ANGELES’ TOP 10

LOS ANGELES LOCAL

LA’s suburbs are as different from each other as Paris Hilton and the glue-sniffing homeless guy standing outside 7-Eleven Downtown (in other words, some have class and Miss H doesn’t – booya!). They’re also far apart geographically, so renting a car is a good option for getting around. If you don’t travel to at least three different neighbourhoods, you’re doing LA wrong – even if you’re staying in Beverly Hills.

Santa Monica

Sunshine, sand and shopping come together at Santa Monica, LA’s answer to the dirty streets and overpriced malls of Hollywood. This isn’t to say that you won’t catch a homeless dude catching some zzz’s on a park bench, but even that guy looks like he’s enjoying the Mediterranean climate.

Start your day at Santa Monica Beach, a wide strip of golden sand hugging the famous Santa Monica Pier, before wandering up towards Third Street Promenade for some retail therapy – not that you’ll need it. As night falls and you realise you’ve missed your chance to catch the sunset from the pier’s Ferris Wheel, get a dose of visual pleasure by catching a film at The Monica instead.

West Hollywood

You know those pictures you see in gossip mags of celebrities shopping for miniature canine apparel? If they’re not doing it in Beverly Hills, they’re doing it in West Hollywood. To be more specific, they’re probably doing it on Melrose Avenue, a strip of designer stores and trendy clothing boutiques (for dogs and humans), or at The Grove – a fairy-lit shopping spot that comes alive at night thanks to the plethora of relaxed dinner options and the presence of The Grove Theatre. Clearly it’s best to end up here at night, so start your day on Melrose – Pink’s Hot Dogs is the best excuse to grab a hot dog for breakfast.

Beverly Hills

Leave the fanny pack and binoculars at home – please! In fact, you’ll probably need to buy an entire new outfit just to walk down Rodeo Drive if travelling has taken a toll on the condition of your clothing. If you feel like spending more than the cost of your flight tickets, visit the Chanel or Prada boutiques on Rodeo, or Neiman Marcus or Saks Fifth Avenue for less snooty service.

In truth, though, the best way to spend a day in Beverly Hills is to sip a coffee outside Starbucks and scope out the plastic surgery disasters before an afternoon stroll through the Beverly Gardens Park.

Downtown

Contrary to popular belief, Downtown LA is not the most happening suburb and the Fashion District is not the most fashionable. However, if you know where to go and what (or who) to avoid, Downtown can actually be rather cool.

Little Tokyo is the cultural heart of the Japanese-American community, and the many eateries in the open-air shopping streets of the Japanese Village Plaza are perfect lunch spots. For something more substantial food-wise, head to Restaurant Row for some killer ramen, or shopping-wise, try Weller Court.

Outside of Little Tokyo, the Historic Core of the neighbourhood features the appealing architecture of the Old Bank District, Gallery Row and the Bradbury Building.

Hollywood

You will never spot a celebrity in Hollywood. You just won’t. You will, however, encounter people trying to peddle you tickets to bad comedy shows and overpriced sightseeing tours. Fight your way through, past and/or around this to see some of LA’s most iconic landmarks.

Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, the Hollywood Bowl, the Walk of Fame, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not and the Kodak Theater (home of the Oscars) are all located in Hollywood and you don’t have to be embarrassed about holding a camera or a giant map – in fact, you’d probably look out-of-place without them. Stick to the photo opps – Hollywood and Highland Mall is only good for sights of the Hollywood Sign.

LOS ANGELES EAT & DRINK

LA has some of the best fast food in America, but you don’t think film stars survive on greasy burritos and In N Out burgers, do you? LA is also a fine dining winner, and these 10 spots are the cream of the elegantly presented crop.

LOS ANGELES EVENTS

What exactly is ‘breaking the sake barrel’? It’s a Japanese New Year (1 January) event that makes a trip Downtown worthwhile.

January’s Tournament of the Roses is a parade you have to see to believe. It’s not actually a tournament, but a massive throng of floral floats.

No-one does 100-foot-long dragons and firecrackers like the Chinese. In February’s Golden Dragon Parade, they top all this off with awesome martial arts displays.

Anyone who says Downtown is dead obviously hasn’t been to an Olvera Street Mardi Gras Festival in February.

The only time celebrities are actually seen in Hollywood is for the Academy Awards in February.

The Blessing of the Animals, the day before Easter, is as weird as it sounds. Hundreds of pet owners doll up their dogs, cats, birds and hamsters to have them blessed with holy water. How much more LA can you get?

If you thought Cinco de Mayo was big wherever you come from, wait until you see it in LA – unless, of course, you’re actually from Mexico.

Where better to experience a Film Festival than in the film capital of the world? This world-class event is held each June.

Grand Avenue Festival in October is a street party focusing on great cultural institutions, and an awesome excuse to get free admission to the Museum of Contemporary Art and the Walt Disney Concert Hall.

If the Doo Dah Parade sounds silly, that’s because it is. It’s an irreverent and satirical parody of the Rose Parade, held in November.

WHEN TO GO

· Any time, really, is a good time to go to LA – the city is warm and sunny all year round.

· January and February are the rainiest months, but all you really need is an umbrella and light jacket.

· Typical summer (June, July, August) highs are around 30°C (86°F), but it can get hotter. Whether this is a good or bad thing is probably personal.

WHAT TO MISS

· Don’t go to Skid Row just because you were a fan of the band in the ’80s. This street is as bad as the music was.

· The Fashion District and Jewellery District are not, as the names might suggest, prime shopping streets.

· Skip the overpriced movie star home tours. You won’t see a movie star, and are better off spending your money at Universal Studios.

GETTING AROUND

· You definitely need a set of wheels to explore LA properly. Just avoid the 405.

· Don’t rip the GPS system out of your rental car if you get sick of someone telling you where to go. They’re endlessly useful on freeways.

· Distances are long and cab fares high in LA, so if you’re relying on public transport try to stick to busses.

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